Friday 27th April 2001- we can perform under pressure

Today we had our audition and oh man we rocked! I’m hyper now! Got into school this morning and went straight to Mr Hendries room to squeeze in some much needed practice before registration. It was not looking good at all. We knew our individual parts but when it came to putting it all together we could not keep in time with each other. At interval it was back to Mr Hendries room for more practice and to let Jack hear the song for the first time. He didn’t practice at all but Tina assured me he is a genius on the drums. It still wasn’t looking too good, we were just so out of time and the closer it got to the audition the more nervous I felt. So we went up at lunch time to set all the equipment up in one of the music rooms. We didn’t even have time to run through once before Mrs Campbell came to hear us play. So Jack counted us in and we just threw ourselves into it. It was fantastic! Jack’s drumming was perfect and with him keeping the rhythm me and Tina were able to keep in time with each other. When I heard our music blasting out of the amps all nerves vanished and I was lost in the song. I really enjoyed it. It worked so well. It was such a great achievement for us to pull it all together in just two days. I’m so proud of us as we have shown we have talent and can perform under pressure. Wow! I’m going to get my own bass, but until then I have Tom’s. Oh what a brilliant start to our band!

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Thursday 26th April 2001- I have mastered the verse and the twangy chorus bits

More shit, you know the kind. I was carrying Tom’s bass around school today so I told those bullies I would hit them with it if they didn’t shut up. It seemed to work, they backed down a bit. Of course I wouldn’t do that really, it would cause them too much damage and more importantly I wouldn’t want to break tom’s beautiful bass. But the threat seemed to deter them, maybe I’ve found a way to make them get lost.

Anyway, today was a day of rehearsing like mad for an audition we have tomorrow and getting in a total state over it. We were using the school amps but it wasn’t looking good, we hadn’t rehearsed enough, and I only started playing bass on Tuesday. But I have mastered the verse and the twangy chorus bits which is amazing given how little time we’ve had. I was doubtful as to whether this whole thing would work but Tina phoned me tonight and made me believe we could conquer the world if we wanted to. She said we should just go for it tomorrow and see how it goes. She said I had done amazing and had great potential. We agreed that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if we weren’t chosen to perform because as long as we do well then we have proved to ourselves we can play together and that will be enough. She was full of positivity and she’s passed that on to me. By the end of the call we were both like ‘yes we can do this, we are the best, we will show them just how good we can be.’

I had a seven hour shift at the Tryst after school which meant we couldn’t rehearse tonight but I’m confident we will do ourselves proud. We will succeed! I know we will1

Tuesday 24th April 2001- I’ve fallen in love with the bass

Oh how wonderful this is! I am currently in possession of a beautiful bass guitar, I am looking at it right now and I love it. It’s not mine though, it’s Tom’s, he’s let me borrow it for as long as I need it. He’s so nice, I love him, this is so exciting. Today was the first get together of  Left of Deviant so I must document it so we can remember the starting point if we ever make it. Well there was only me and Tina, we went to borrow Tom’s bass and he also loaned us a bass amp. Tina brought her electric guitar and Jack’s amp. What fun we had trying to get that bass amp up to my room, it was so heavy and a struggle. We just messed around and Tina showed me how to read bass tab. We didn’t get too far with the actual music but she is photocopying some of Bush’s songs for me to learn. We looked over my lyrics I had been scrawling during the holidays. Then we had s bit of a laughing fit because one of the songs I wrote starts with the line ‘nobody has mental balance, you have least of all’. I’m not sure why it seemed so funny but we laughed and laughed especially at the thought of it being the first song on the album and that being the very first line. Oh well. My room was filled with guitar stuff and amongst it was the two dogs wafting their tails about.  When Tina had to go we discovered getting the bass amp down the stairs was even harder than getting it up. We struggled down with it, almost crippling ourselves, and eventually got it out to the car. Oh how I need to properly learn bass and get one of my own. It’s so cool! I’ve fallen in love with the bass in the corner of my room! I don’t want to have to give it up when Tom comes back for it (though it does have a sticker on it which says ‘don’t be a dick’).

Monday 23rd April 2001- left of deviant

School was hell so you’ll understand why I don’t want to talk about it, especially when I have far greater things to relate. I am now in a band. Yeah you heard right! I think I might explode at the prospect. Tina is on guitars and vocals and Jack has agreed to drum for us until we find our own drummer. It’s all so exciting. Me and Tina have just ended a text conversation in which she suggested a name which is pure genius. We have called ourselves ‘left of deviant’. Why? Well apparently deviant means diverging from the norm   while we will also deviate from the usual alternative scene (Tina’s words not mine) so we aren’t just plain deviant but a little left of deviant. Brilliant! I am in a band! My songs can be used now. In assembly today Tina was getting so excited about the whole thing. She was shouting across the room to Tom saying ‘I got a bass player’ and hugging me. I love the bass. I’m picking it up really well. I have a theory on this; when I touched Taka’s hand at the gig some of his skills must have rubbed off. I’m so fucking happy I could cry. We have a title for our first album too- Black Doves and Broken Wings. It’s a product of both mine and Tina’s minds. How good is that? We’re going to make a great team. We will conquer the world with our creative genius and we will be huge. So here is to the birth of our musical revolution. Here’s to Left of Deviant.

Sunday 22nd April 2001- they’ll make me a zombie

Well here it is, the next round of despair. I’ve been free from it for over two weeks, I’ve been so happy, I’ve been myself, and now, as the holidays close, that will all end. Oh bloody hell it’s the worst case of  pre-school depression I’ve ever had. Take the misery I felt at the end of the Christmas holidays, multiply it a billion times and you’ll know how I’m feeling now, totally hopeless and in a deep depression. Where am I going? Where the hell am I going? I have no direction at all. I am too free for this world. I am a creator, an artist, but society doesn’t cater for people like me. This future is not what I want but I’ll get it anyway, because society is screwed up right now and everything is geared towards the trained professions. I’m suffocating in the academic world. Others might not feel,the need to repair their broken wings, the wings society clipped, but I need mine, I want mine, without them I will die, without them I will be crushed. Help me. I can’t ever be happy in the world of the office, of smart clothes and coffee breaks spent reading ‘woman’s own’ with a host of shallow and boring people who are content to live this way. Well I can’t do it. I’m trying to dig my heels in the ground to stop time propelling me so quickly toward the oblivion that is the constricting, unsatisfying world of work. I’ll loose myself because they will take my essence and destroy it. They’ll make me a zombie. Who knows they may cut off my wings entirely rather than just break them and then they’ll never heal, I’ll be grounded for life. Oh somebody please do something before it’s too late, don’t let them ruin me.

Saturday 21st April 2001- A band!

Today we went to the forge shopping centre in the park head area of Glasgow. It was a nasty place and I didn’t like it one bit! Why? I’ll tell you why! It was like stepping into ned city! Now do you see why I didn’t like it? It was filled with evil looking people wearing baseball caps, socks pulled over their trousers and hundreds of gold jewellery (sovereign rings, hoop earrings, name chains, the usual) and amongst them all was me in my baggy combats, bandana and Feeder T-shirt and a skull chain. I was the only mosher in the whole place! I won’t be going back there in a hurry. On the way home we went the wrong way and ended up in the most foul estate I have ever seen. All the flats were borders up with their roofs missing, many had been burned out and all where covered in graffiti. It reminded me of how I imagine Edgefield to look like in ‘World Against Me’. It would be a good location for filming as long as the cameras didn’t get nicked! Tina phoned to let me know she wasn’t ignoring me last night, her phone had just ran out of credit. I talked to her about my guitar playing and how I seem to be inclined to pick out the bass parts of the songs and she suggested we could start a band and she could play guitar and I could try bass. I’m all for it considering it’s been my dream since the age of about nine. She says Tom (Jack’s best friend and bassist in Jack’s band) will let me borrow his bass no problem. A band! I know we won’t actually get anywhere but hey, what fun I used to have in our band in Newcastle with Laura even though we were unbelievably crap. It’s just a hobby, some messing about, that’s all.

Letters to Laura- It was like watching a naughty child

Hi Laura!

Wasn’t sure if you wanted a copy of ‘Polythene’ by Feeder but I’ve sent it anyway. I was supposed to be getting a copy from Tina but I got so sick of waiting I went out and bought it myself. Its soooooo good. If you put the CD into the computer you can watch the video for ‘High’ and freeze it at any pint and then save the image as a still picture.

Well, I’ve got quite a few things to tell you and I’ll start with the trouble with our Head mistress, Mrs McCulloch.

You probably gathered from the text messages I sent that she has been trying to wipe out all of the moshers in Cumbernauld High, well the last step she took was to send a letter home to the parents of every single mosher. You’ll laugh when you hear what it said: ‘Dear Parent/Guardian,your son/daughter has declared themselves a mosher, this can cause problems. I would like to request that you do not allow your child to attend school dressed like this in the future.’ Can you believe that? Who does she think she is? She criticises moshers yet neds are allowed to wander the school with their socks pulled over their track suits causing trouble and shouting abuse at people. She says people feel threatened by moshers which is rubbish, she can’t seem to see that the moshers are the victims in all this, not the trouble makers. She is also trying to ban trainers in school which will just upset everyone. She’s so annoying, ‘the dragon’ is what people have started to call her. Anyway, enough of that, I could go on for ages about what she’s done but I’ll only annoy myself.

I got a job now! I work on the reception at the sports centre where Mam works in the evenings after school. I can’t say I enjoy it (in fact I hate it!) but the money makes it worth while. So I went on a shopping trip and blew most of my first weeks wages in one day! I bought some baggy combat trousers, an offspring T-shirt and the the Feeder album. The day turned out to be really mad. There was only meant to be the three of us going but we kept picking people up in the way and there ended up being seven of us, all mosher types apart from Grace who is a goth. The funniest moment came about halfway through the day when we went into a pub. Most of us just wanted soft drinks but Tina and Grace tried to order alchol and as they aren’t 18 we all got thrown out. It was quite funny. So we had to go to the pizza place instead and everyone was giving Grace dirty looks because she had on so much eyeliner  and these boots with big metal heels. Jack came with us too which pleased me, and he was wearing jeans that were all ripped and he had sewn bit back together with guitar strings. He kept getting lost when he wandered away to talk to the punks who hang around the gallery and we had to keep going and looking for him, he was supposed to be getting the bus home with me but he had completely vanished by this point so I had to spend the 55 minute journey home by my self. Honestly it was like watching a nighty kid, we had to keep saying ‘Jack don’t do this, don’t do that, Jack stop wandering off without telling us!’

We went around all the good shops and there was this one shop called Flip and it sold all mosher clothes, in the basement was a goth shop called Hellfire and that’s where I got my Offspring top. You should come here and visit again sometime, all the people here say they want to meet you (don’t ask me why) I think you would like Glasgow, although it can be a bit scary if you don’s have a big crowd with you!

Oh well, that’s all my news from north of the border, there is more stuff to say but I have homework to do so I’ll save it until I next see you which will be when we go to Skellwith Fold!

Bye Bye!

Luv Michelle