February 9th 2001- In Love

School again. I was talking to Jack about song writing in music today. He’s got a band and he writes songs too. I was telling him about my predicament, the way I write a song and then a few days later discover someone already has something similar. I was telling him about my latest song “Mechanical Happiness” and the parallel the title has with Marilyn Manson’s “Mechanical Animals” and how Tina thought I should change the title to “Automated Happiness”. He told me simply “Don’t change your stuff.” Now a little thing like that might not mean much too anyone else, you would have to be me to be inspired and touched by such a comment because it seemed to me he was expressing belief in me, telling me that my songs where strong enough to stand out and and reach people wether they have similar sounding titles or not. It meant so much to me to know that someone had belief in my songs. In the light of this I think it is time to confess something in these pages that I said I would never reveal, what harm can it do? Jack is the one. Jack is the person I can’t seem to dispel from my thoughts. I don’t know what it is about him, he’s like a magnet to me he’s just so damn cute and so sweet and so inspirational and although I barely know him I’m certain he has vision and depth like me. I want him so bad that it hurts every time I think of him, he’s different from everyone I’ve ever liked before, he’s exactly what I’ve been looking for. He stands out from everybody else, he knows who he is and he’s not afraid to show it, no matter what other people might think of him he doesn’t back down and he doesn’t change just to fit in. I just can’t help it, I can’t say I love him as I honestly don’t know him well enough, at least I shouldn’t be able to say that, but hell I do! I believe in love at first sight and I love Jack and I have loved him since the first day he was in my music class and since then I’ve grown to love him more. I might die if I can’t have him.

 

Mechanical Happiness

You used to be my inspiration,

You didn’t judge me like the rest,

You saw me for the person I was,

Not for the way I dressed,

So I watched, watched as you turned away to someone else,

Gave your heart to a prettier face,

Your love to a better life,

Now pain like horse hooves funds my soul,

Still you don’t see-

Mechanical Happiness hides my misery.

Inside I scream, the thoughts in my mind are bitter,

My face is a pantomime screen,

And my head is filled with litter,

Wish I could see beyond the black veil that hides my eyes,

Wish you could see beyond the flesh that’s my disguise.

You see me laugh,

Don’t hear me cry,

You see me smile,

Don’t hear me sigh,

I live on mechanical happiness,

Exterior is not interior,

From outside you can’t see,

The blackness that lives inside of me,

I live on mechanical happiness,

My smiles are run on reflex,

Take the time to look and see,

Mechanical happiness hides my misery.

 

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Author: raventaylorauthor

Raven Michelle Taylor (born Michelle Allen) was born in South Shields, Tyneside in 1983 and was the first of three children of Julie and Brian Allen. Following the numerous closures of ship yards on the Tyne Raven moved with her family to Scotland at age 13 where they settled in the Lanarkshire town of Cumbernauld. After the separation of her parents following the move north Raven and her siblings where raised by her Mother Julie. Raven attended Cumbernauld High School and from there went on to Paisley University where she graduated with an honors degree in Computer Animation. Since university to the present day Raven has made a living working various jobs in the office and retail industries but she hopes one day to be able to write full time, a dream she has held since she was a very small girl writing stories on her all Patel typewriter. Raven still lives in Scotland with her husband, Gerry Neary, their dog Basil and tortoise Herman. Raven met Glasgow born Gerry in 2002 when she was 19 years old and the pair married in 2007 opting for a Wiccan Handfasting ceremony in the Niddry Street Vaults in Edinburgh. Raven has written a number of books, short stories and poems and has been doing so since she first learned to pick up a pen and form words. It has always been a dream of hers to be a published author and she has only just recently taken the first steps signing with Newhaven Publishing with whom she had released her Punk Rock Memoir trilogy .

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